I have no doubts in God's ability to heal. I have no doubts in God's ability to provide. He's never failed me and I know He never will.
Right now, I am leaning on Him for strength and comfort. I am trusting, and sometimes begging, for His healing power. To be open, I sometimes find myself asking God why? Why my mom, she's been faithful in serving You and those around her. The only thing that keeps coming to mind is, why not her?
Yesterday my mom and I went to see a renown brain surgeon who used to be head of neurology at UCLA. He's performed thousands of surgeries on pituitary tumors. People from all over come to California to have him perform their surgeries. I was confident that he may have an answer for us, something different and not so grim.
We waited in the John Wayne Cancer Institute, funny thing that it was called John Wayne since everyone close to me knows that I have this quirky thing with John Wayne, "John Wayne says..." "John Wayne is...". The nurse came and showed us to a room and we waited... and waited... I took some pictures of myself in the big metal light, trying to make the time go by a little quicker.
A doctor that works with the surgeon came in, he looked like Henry Mitchell from Dennis the Mennis. Nerdy and young. His first remark once introductions were made was, "This tumor is very bad and nasty." Oy. He told us that it was risky to remove but there was no other way. Other pituitary tumors could be treated with medicine, but this one could only be treated with surgery. The shots that she takes three times a day were only holding the tumor at bay. Keeping it from growing and feeding itself. The only way to treat this would be to have fifteen sessions of radiation, then surgery that would remove 80 - 90% of the tumor and then radiation again. I was not thrilled when he left to get the surgeon. I felt scared, angry and helpless, on the verge of tears, but I had to hold it together for my mom who was just bummed. She grinned and joked with the doctor the whole time and giggled when he checked her nerves for any damage. You would think I was the one with the tumor and not her.
Once the surgeon came in he brought a photocopy of her MRI, I had yet to see the tumor. He pointed out things that we already knew, size of a golf ball with fingers going into her blood vessels and arteries, wrapped around her main artery and attached to her pituitary. What a mess.
My mom will be making a decision in the next few days. I catch myself thinking the worse and then remember that what the doctors and surgeons say is NOT final.
I feel strongly that God will heal her. I believe He's setting it up and He's just asking us to trust Him. Or I might say, asking me to trust Him! lol. I can never take for granted the peace of God. I am blown away when He shows up and there's a genuine smile on my face and the faces of my family. We trust Him. Completely and with our whole hearts!
I believe with everything in me that He will work a miracle in our midst. The Lord is my light and salvation. Whom (or what) shall I fear?